Primate Primacy

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I write a lot of long-winded diatribes on nonsensical topics, but today I want to focus on something serious for a change: Whether or not I can win a fight to the death against a chimpanzee. The short answer is … Continued

Halo 4 Secrets Revealed

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I know all the secrets of Halo 4. Rather than scouring the Internet for leaks and rumors about this upcoming Xbox360 exclusive, I got my information straight from the source: my barber, whose wife has a cousin who casually dated … Continued

Not-So-Easy Mac

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Easy Mac isn’t as easy as its name implies. Just ask my sister-in-law, Alice. I might not have a culinary degree from Kaplan College, but I still suspect her instant macaroni is a little overcooked: It looks like Satan took … Continued

Written Excuses

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I wish I had a good excuse for waiting so long to write. True, we had a baby, but the process didn’t take up much of my time. Technically, Lola is the one who had a baby. I just stood … Continued

Expansionary Policies

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There are a lot of rumors out there about Lola and I having another baby. Let me set the record straight: The doctor is wrong. The diagnosis itself is probably accurate – pregnancy explains Lola’s constant vomiting better than the … Continued

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