Be Prepared

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It never hurts to be prepared, unless your preparations kill you. That’s what I learned from the National Geographic Channel’s Preppers. The show follows gun-toting pessimists who are convinced an upcoming cataclysm will kill us all unless they shoot if … Continued

A Hairy Situation

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I’m not really a follower. I’m more of an aimless loner who by random chance sometimes drifts in the same direction as everyone else. That happened recently when I grew a beard. I didn’t purposely set out to participate in … Continued

Jell-O Man

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Here’s a completely true story: A few days ago I spent almost 3 hours posing for pictures with Jell-O. It turns out rock bottom is orange and jiggly. At least this time I can pinpoint the moment my life spiraled … Continued

Don’t Quit Your Day Job

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I’d make a great stay-at-home dad. That’s only half true, which is still 50 percent more honest than I usually am. I’d mainly nail the staying at home part since I’m uniquely well-suited for unemployment. While others might feel guilt … Continued

Console Wars

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With the PlayStation 4 already on store shelves and the release of the Xbox One just days away, consumers now have several great options for ignoring their families. Like most adults who are married with children, I have neither the … Continued

Cavity Search

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I only judge people by criteria on which I come out ahead. That’s why I estimate your value as a human being based on your height and ability to eat large quantities of waffles. If those standards gained wider acceptance, … Continued

Stop Going the Distance

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Marathons are great if you hate everyone, including yourself. Training for one guarantees you’ll spend countless hours alone and in incredible pain. I’ve never run exactly 26.2 miles, but I have finished three ultras ranging from 32 to 43 miles. … Continued

Waste of Time

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I’m thinking about rolling back my calendar to 2012 to get an extra year. That makes exactly as much sense as gaining an hour through daylight saving time. It’s been a few days since the time change took effect, but … Continued

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