Help Yourself

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The problem with personal service is the “person” part of it. I go to restaurants to avoid starvation without the hassle of cooking for myself. I don’t do it to hang out with someone who thinks a huge, creepy smile … Continued

Be Prepared

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It never hurts to be prepared, unless your preparations kill you. That’s what I learned from the National Geographic Channel’s Preppers. The show follows gun-toting pessimists who are convinced an upcoming cataclysm will kill us all unless they shoot if … Continued

A Hairy Situation

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I’m not really a follower. I’m more of an aimless loner who by random chance sometimes drifts in the same direction as everyone else. That happened recently when I grew a beard. I didn’t purposely set out to participate in … Continued

Jell-O Man

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Here’s a completely true story: A few days ago I spent almost 3 hours posing for pictures with Jell-O. It turns out rock bottom is orange and jiggly. At least this time I can pinpoint the moment my life spiraled … Continued

Console Wars

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With the PlayStation 4 already on store shelves and the release of the Xbox One just days away, consumers now have several great options for ignoring their families. Like most adults who are married with children, I have neither the … Continued

Cavity Search

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I only judge people by criteria on which I come out ahead. That’s why I estimate your value as a human being based on your height and ability to eat large quantities of waffles. If those standards gained wider acceptance, … Continued

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