Beauty of the Beast

posted in: Uncategorized | 0

Newborn babies are cute, cuddly monsters that warm your heart and devour your soul. I learned this in the early hours of May 17 when Lola forcibly expelled one of the little devils from her uterus. If you want to … Continued


posted in: Uncategorized | 0

It‘s recently come to my attention that my wife has contracted a severe case of pregnancy. Symptoms include abdominal swelling, exhaustion, and baby-induced insanity. Lola’s unbalanced hormones have led to more than a few good stories, all of which I … Continued

Close Call

posted in: Uncategorized | 0

I’m twenty-four years old. I have a wife, a house, and a college degree. Two days ago, I almost pooped my pants. I say this not with shame, but with triumph. The mere fact that I can say “almost” instead … Continued

License to Grill

posted in: Uncategorized | 0

I’ve never been diagnosed with a terminal disease, but I imagine that news is a lot less devastating than learning you’re no longer allowed to grill on the deck of your second-story apartment. My lease has a clause that lets … Continued

Valedictorian Speech

posted in: Uncategorized | 33

Here’s the valedictorian speech I gave May 5, 2007, at my alma mater. At the end of it, the president of the college didn’t even clap. The crowd, however, loved it, and I made the bishop laugh. If you’re thinking … Continued

1 17 18 19 20