Cleaning up my Act

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Each week, my wife performs a mystical rite involving strange hand motions and arcane powders. She calls this ritual “the laundry,” and no married man is allowed to participate in it, even if he wants to, which of course he … Continued

Reunited

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Last weekend I had my 10-year high school reunion, an event made completely unnecessary by Facebook. Thanks to that social networking website, in less than 30 seconds I could’ve learned every detail of the lives of the people I graduated … Continued

Going the Distance

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Parents are an unending source of free favors and unwanted meddling. There’s no right answer for how far away from them you should live, unless you have a restraining order. In that case, the distance is specified down to the … Continued

A Job Worth Hating

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There is nothing sadder than a man who loves his job. Workplace disgruntlement is as American as warrantless wiretaps and waterboarding. The rebels behind the Boston Tea Party wouldn’t have dumped that cargo overboard in the middle of the night … Continued

Digest This

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This blog wasn’t originally called Exploding Unicorn. Its first moniker was Monument to Failure, which would still be an apt title for my autobiography or heading for my tombstone. I started this website my senior year of college when I … Continued

The Lies of Shark Week

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Every summer, the Discovery Channel devotes seven days of programming to the apex predator of the ocean. I haven’t watched Shark Week in a long time because great whites haven’t changed much over the years. Evolution is a slow process, … Continued

Back on Track

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Politicians ramble on about the dangers of budget deficits and terrorism, but no one is talking about the real problem facing this country: trains. I don’t want them to run on time; I want them gone. A century ago, railroads … Continued

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